I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
