apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
