im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
