so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
