420 ftw
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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