I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
