Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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