come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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