If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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