if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
