I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
