remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
