blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So vagazzling was a success
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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