Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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