I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
