I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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