This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
