He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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