it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
