There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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