when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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