I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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