What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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