I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
