Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
