I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So vagazzling was a success
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
