Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He better not be in your backpack
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
