It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
