I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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