oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
