I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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