so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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