omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
