i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
