I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
