They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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