Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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