He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
