help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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