Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
