So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
