after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
