Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
