You can't motorboat a personality
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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