meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize