omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
