Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm really busy with my period
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