Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
