Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
