So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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