I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
