I'm going to jail i love you
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize