Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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