so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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