i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Four minutes until I can fart!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
