Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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