I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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