Soap is not a condiment
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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