Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
