So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
