Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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