your parents love me but you hate me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
