; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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