I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
