A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
