I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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