walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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