The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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