I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
