You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
