never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
