So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
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