I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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