She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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