12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
