I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
